


What if I do Something Stupid?

by Morg_and_amour



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Apollo (Percy Jackson) Needs a Hug, Book 5: The Tower of Nero (Trials of Apollo), Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I wrote this before the book came out, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Minor Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Not Canon Compliant, Protective Percy Jackson, protective Meg McCaffrey, trials of apollo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26786650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morg_and_amour/pseuds/Morg_and_amour
Summary: Apollo arrives at the Jacksons with Meg and Lu. He doesn't really want to be there but if he's here, maybe its time to have a breakdown. At least Percy is here to watch him cry on his living room couch.
Relationships: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Apollo & Meg McCaffrey, Apollo & Percy Jackson, Estelle Blofis & Sally Jackson, Paul Blofis/Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson & Meg McCaffrey, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 185





	What if I do Something Stupid?

**Author's Note:**

> I read the preview on iBooks and NEEDED more TOA. It is my favorite of his series and is super underhyped. This thing Is full of errors because I wanted to get it out before the book actually comes out on Tuesday, but please still read the fic (if you want). Anyway, this does have slight spoilers for book 5 (based on the first three chapters) so consider this your SPOILER WARNING.  
> It is going to mention what Apollo did on Caligula's boat but not in detail, so be warned if that does make you uncomfortable, be cautious here. I'll edit it soon I pinky promise.

It had been a horrible day so far with no sign of getting better. Meg, Lu, and I had found the Jackson residence fairly easily, remembering where it was from the last time. Meg happily rang the buzzer.

"Hello?" a voice I recognized as Sally Jackson said.

Meg looked back at me to speak but I shook my head. I didn't think they would want me here. Meg spoke up instead. "Hi, Ms. Jackson. Its Meg and Apollo again. Do you think we can come in?" 

"Sure, dear. You remember the number?" the voice came back from the box.

"Yeah, thanks," Meg said as she pushed the door open, holding it for me and our new companion.

When we got to the door, a man I didn't recognize opened the door. He seemed friendly enough. A warm smile, round face with salt and pepper hair. "Apollo, Meg, its nice to meet you." we nodded. "And?"

"Lu," Lu supplied. Maybe she is where meg got her monosyllabic vocabulary from.

"And Lu. Percy's inside. But please do be quiet, we just put down Estelle." Paul explained as he ushered us into the family room.

"She had the baby?" Meg asked, perking up a bit. "Can I meet her?"

Paul smiled a bit. "When she wakes up."

"Gods know she needs her sleep and we need the quiet," Sally Jackson-Blofis walked in with a tray of her famous blue cookies. She set them down and walked to her husband giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Well, you certainly look better than the last time you were here. And Meg, you've grown."

Meg beamed with pride. She had gotten taller, now that it brought to my attention. To think that last time I was here, I expected them to cater to my needs. Now I felt like I was intruding on theirs. These past six months have indeed been a time for a change.

"Mom, whose here?" Percy walked confidently through the doorway, looking from Meg to me, too- "What in hades name are you two doing bringing a monster here!"

In seconds, his sword, Riptide, had been drawn as he sized Lu up looking for weaknesses. Lu had drawn her swords too. "I am a friend. I brought these out for self-defense. I bring news from inside the tower of Nero."

"You guys trust her?" Percy asked, not moving his gaze from the monster standing in front of his couch.

"Yeah," Meg gave one of her favorite one-word answers.

"Fine. Talk." Percy lowered his weapon but did not fully put it away. "If you bring any of your friends here, or I see that you're lying. I will not hesitate to send you back..."

He never finished that sentence. "To Tartarus," but he didn't need to. He looked as terrifying as his father when he was summoning a massive hurricane, and earthquake all at the same time.

He turned to his mortal parents. "Sorry you needed to see that, but I will not have anyone or anything mess with my family."

"How about we get you two into some dry clothes and then we can talk okay?" Sally suggested. Gods she truest was a treasure.

"Thank you," I said the first words since we arrived here. This place, with Percy Jackson, was one of the last places I wanted to be.

"Come on Apollo, I'll give you some clothes." Percy gestured to follow him as Meg went with Sally no doubt to be dressed in another traffic-light-colored outfit. But she was older now, maybe she would graduate to secondary colors.

Percy gave me some jeans I needed to roll up at the ankles and a simple blue Nasa t-shirt. Certainly better than the joke of a shirt he gave me last time.

"Hey man, what happened to you. You look horrible," Percy seemed to realize what he said. "Uh, no offense."

"It's been a rough couple of weeks." Dear reader, truer words have never been spoken. My mind flashed to the most recent battle at camp Jupiter. To me being possessed with my own oracle and giving my own prophecy. To the events that occurred on Caligula's boat. Oh, gods- did the news ever make it to Percy? Did I need to be the one to tell him?

First, I thought that I was a god, I didn't need to do that anymore. Immediately after I realized how selfish that thought was. They were friends and I had crashed his house for the second time. This boy was probably sick and tired of gods barging their way into his life and telling him what he needed to do to help them. Was that any different from what I was doing now?

"Percy, look..." I avoided his eyes.

"Apollo, stop," Percy said, softly.

"I'm not sure if you've be heard but-" my voice cracked. "But Jason-" I had to stop or I would break down. I didn't realize how emotionally exhausted I was until I got here.

"I know Apollo." His voice was thick with grief, "Thalia was able to iris message me and Annabeth about it. I heard about the song you sang. Heard it was pretty nice."

"I'm so sorry Percy." I felt the same sorrow I had experienced that night. "I tried I really did."

"Well now you really understand what it's like to be mortal," Percy said with zero emotion in his voice. I couldn't help but notice how eerily similar that was to what so many demigods have told me in the last six months. "Come on. I think there is so much information for some big battle waiting for us." 

Lu had left after giving us absolutely no good news. It seemed that Nero had an even bigger hold on manhattan than I had originally thought possible. According to Meg's mentor, the emperor even had eyes in the entrance to Olympus in the Empire state building. The only good news is that some people who were lower on the totem pole of power that they could be easily swayed to our side.

Percy decided that he needed to order a pizza to contemplate what had happened when Paul and Sally offered to let us stay the night. Meg had accepted for both of us.

For the impending doom in our near future, Meg seemed calm and relaxed at with the Jackson's. Even the youngest baby in the household seemed to like her, even if she very obviously knew nothing of childcare herself. Percy had to show her the proper ways to hold the five-month-old at least a dozen times.

"Well I am exhausted," Paul announced from the dining room table filled with stacks of paper he had been grading. "Meg, do you think you want to help me put Estelle to bed?"

Meg jumped the chance to be helpful. She had been doing her best to impress every person she came across today. This left me and Percy alone watching some mindless children's cartoon Meg seemed engrossed in. Something about a big girl and a cat boy who was in love. I didn't get it but then again, I am not a twelve-year-old girl.

"So, ready to go back up camp tomorrow?" Percy asked me. "I know Will, Austin and Kayla were worried about you. So was Harley. You really made a good impression with him."

I ignored him in favor of the overly flustered cartoon girl who was talking to a cute boy. Oh, gods how I related to this Parisian bug superhero.

Meg came back sometime later, leaning on me as she started to fall asleep. I was tired but didn't think I could sleep. At least she wasn't trying to get me to open up.

"Meg," I guess I needed to be the one in charge. Percy had been absorbed in the cartoons. "Go to bed."

"You do that." She mumbled. 

"Are you two all right sharing a bed?" Percy asked. I nodded for the two of us. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

"Are you sure? It is your house we're crashing." I said. I just assumed I would sleep on the couch.

Percy looked surprised and puzzled by my comment but ignored it. "The exact reason I'll sleep on the couch. You're the guests."

"Thank you. Truly." Then to Meg. "Bedtime."

"You're a bedtime," Meg mumbled to me as she stood up. Then she turned to hug me. I didn't even think she was capable of that. "Love you Pollo. Good night." I hugged her tightly for a few seconds until she pushed her way out of my grip. "I'll see you in the morning." And left to do doubt drool on Percy's pillow.

"You should go to bed soon too. You look like you could use all the sleep you can get." Percy said.

"So do you," I said without thinking. I felt my eyes water suddenly "Sorry. Sorry that was... unkind of me." I turned away from him and back to the TV.

Percy noticed where my gaze was and turned off the television. "You're different," he declared.

No doy. "I'm mortal. I'm every sense of the word. I'm more pathetic than I was as a god. And I've realized I was the worst god. I treated people horribly. I'm trying so hard to do an ounce of good but all I do is end up hurting people." I took a deep shuddering breath. Tears were threatening to run down my face. I looked down and tried to regain my composure.

"You're afraid too. Right?" Percy was an experienced demigod. I'm sure he recognized the signs of fear. "You do know that's allowed. You're allowed to be terrified."

My shoulders shuddered as I let out a sob. In truth, I was terrified. I had clue as to why I was only realizing now. But it was better this way. I wouldn't bother Meg with this. She didn't need that. Tears flowed down my face faster with that thought.

"Oh," the son of Poseidon said in realization, "we're really scared." He scooted over to me and put his hand affectionately on my shoulder. I looked away a cried harder.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't b-be like this. I'll go-" but where was I going to go? I brought pain and hurt everywhere. And with Nero having eyes everywhere...

"You will not. Tomorrow I'm driving you two out to camp with Annabeth. You need to stay here." Percy was extremely gentle. It was almost if he forgot that Ali could have just helped him on his quest a few winters ago. Instead, I had just played with them because I was bored.

"No" my voice was caught in my throat, but I kept going. "I'm the reason that all this happened. I-I need to go before Meg and you and your mom and your stepdad get hurt."

"Apollo," Percy was abnormally quiet as he tried to put his arm around me to show he was there. "It's okay." I let out another few sobs. I never knew a human could cry this much. My breathing was irregular and my chest ached. Gods this guilt was horrible.

"Percy are you all right?" I heard Sally Jackson say from behind me. I must have been crying for a while. I didn't realize how my head ached and my throat seemed worn out.

"I'm fine mom," Percy whispered as I continued to cry into his arms. "Do you think you can us get some tissues and a glass of water?"

"Of course, sweetheart" she whispered back.

"I can't do it," I said when Sally left the room. "What kind of a hero am I if I can't even think about fighting him?" I furiously tried to wipe the tears off my face with little success.

"Take a deep breath, okay?" I did what Percy asked as his mother gave me a glass of water. I had calmed down enough to take a small sip. "Right now, you're fine, you're safe."

All I could do was nod miserably. This seventeen-year-old just held me as I cried as his mom helped in calming me down.

"Sorry," I said looking down. "And thank you."

"You don't need to say sorry," Sally ruffled my hair "Percy was the same way before he turned sixteen."

"Really?" This caught me by surprise. I didn't think he would be nervous before a battle. "You got like...this before the great prophecy? But you always win."

Percy shrugged. "Good will prevail or whatever. Im lucky I made it this far. And yeah, when I was 15 I was a mess. Nightmares and panic attacks pretty much daily. But it gets better. You need to know that it's not going to be this bad forever." He ran a hand through his hair and let out a shaky breath. "I'm not going to lie to the god of truth it's going to fucking suck-"

"Language, Percy," a wide-eyed mother said to her son, seemingly shocked he would say something like that.

"Sorry. It's going to suck for a long time but it will get better," Percy seemed to believe in what he was saying.

"Can you, not-"

"Not tell Meg?" Sally asked. Sheepishly I said yes. Nobody there had prompted but I revealed being scared for her when she was the one crying in my arms and how she was going to be dealing with her trauma sooner rather than later. I told them of how she had reacted when we found out Caligula's identity. I told them of how she reacted when Jason had died. I needed to protect her from as much as possible so she wouldn't be as hurt as she could be.

"Well, that is definitely worrying. But for now, let's let Meg sleep. You two have been on a train for, what was it a week?" Sally asked.

"Just about, yeah." I gave a small nod.

"Try and sleep tonight, okay?" Sally Jackson said. "I'm going to bed, I'll make pancakes in the morning."

"Thanks, mom," Percy smiled. "See you in the morning."

I waited until I heard the door close. "What if I can't handle it?" 

Percy looked confused "huh?"

"On Caligula's boat, I uh... did something... uh, stupid. More stupid than normal." I started to explain how I had stabbed myself on the yacht. How I have had accepted that the poison was going to kill me and how I was a bit too comfortable with that for my liking. "What if I did something reckless again and I end up hurting Meg or Rachel or my kids or Grover or Leo or Lavina-"

"Look at me," Percy cut me off. He raised my hand and put it on his chest, I could feel his heartbeat. A steady beat compared to the erratic thumping my own heart was doing. "Breathe with me okay? In and out. In and out, you're doing great Apollo, keep it up. In and out." We continued until I had fully calmed down. Percy insisted we keep inhaling and exhaling for an extra minute so I had less of a chance of getting worked up. I guess he had is own share of panic before a battle.

"I think that you being worried about it will make you think a bit more. I think that you'll be careful of how your stupid thing will affect people and you'll try and adjust." Percy explained to me. "I also know that when you get your godhood back- because you will get it back- all this will make you a better god. Everybody who has been in your position before knows you'll get through it. Not the falling from Olympus, but having a panic attack before a big battle." the demigod amended his statement. 

"You too?" I was having trouble keeping my eyes open but I know that I would feel better knowing I wasn't alone. 

"All the time. After Kronos rose up in the Labyrinth, I had flashbacks for months. Once Paul found me in the kitchen crying on the floor with a box of cereal I had shredded with Riptide. That was awkward. Had to explain that to him without telling him about the gods. Annabeth, my girlfriend, love of my life, daughter of Athena, yadda yadda, before we got to Rome, but after we found out the monster, couldn't stop trembling. She also called me the night before her SAT so I could calm her down from an anxious spiral. You are not alone, okay? I know I only gave you two examples but a lot of half-bloods... or I should say children of gods, get a scary amount of worried. It comes with the prophecy."

"Let's not talk about prophecy," I yawned. 

Percy gave a small laugh, "Couldn't agree more." 

"I'm going to sleep." Before I turned the hallway into Percy's room to a warm comfortable bed and a sleeping Meg, I turned around. "And Percy?"

"Hm?" He looked caught by surprise. Almost like he had completely forgotten I was here. "Yeah, man?"

"Thank you," those words had gotten easier since I became mortal. I meant them more now. 

Percy Jackson smiled the smallest, most meaningful smile he had ever given in my presence. "Any time."


End file.
